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Recapping 2008

Every year brings its own special “I can’t believe it”, “I’ll never forget this”, “how fun” and “WOW” moments. With the loss of our Loved Ones we are filled with anxiety as a New Year approaches. We have no idea what is in store for us. We have to find new ways to enjoy and embrace life while missing them. It is always a little scary to make new memories because we can’t imagine doing things that do not involve our Loved Ones. The year 2008 was full of new memories for me.

I started the year the way I left the old one, possibly moving. Needless to say we are still looking for that perfect place to move to. I finally decided I could leave behind the place were Adam grew up. I had started to clean out closets and drawers. Going through old mementos brought back a lot of memories. There were some things I no longer felt the need to hang on to that belonged to Adam. I couldn’t really throw them away so I thought about the item and who might like to have it. It was the same way with the double copy photos. It felt good going through things and sharing with others.

I had shoulder surgery. I never had surgery before. This wasn’t a first I would have chosen for myself but it was a necessary one. I recovered for 4 months at home. This was when a lot of the purging went on. My Mom came to stay with us on and off for the duration. It was fun and different “living” with Mom again. Thanks Mom!

During the summer I discovered walking and my bicycle again. I used to walk all the time and ride pretty regularly a few years ago and just stopped. I am fortunate enough to live in an area that has the NY state canal. It has a path so I decided to conquer some of it on foot and wheels. My walking is very therapeutic. It is a great way to clear your head, re-evaluate your life, distress, reminisce, have fun and health benefits too! Bicycling did the same. I tried road riding for the first time and discovered places in my own town that I didn’t even know existed. I highly recommend either one of these activities.

I went to 2 concerts in one week. That was an unexpected first. The second concert was a gift from a friend. This might not seem like a big deal but the second concert was with country artist Gary Allen. He sings one of my favorite songs - Life Ain’t Always Beautiful. He wrote it after the death of his wife and I feel the message in that song is one we can all use to move forward. It was a great experience to see him sing it live. Thanks Kara!

Anniversary 7 came and proved to be the most overwhelming experience of 2008. It was a first to have my yard filled with 88 friends and family who love and miss Adam. I am always appreciative of those who come to show their love and support.

On Adam’s 26th birthday two of my nieces invited me to spend the day with them at Darien Lake Amusement Park. Again, this was an unexpected invitation but one I will always cherish. I could have said no and spent the day sad and wishing he were here. Instead, I said yes. They picked me up and paid my way but most importantly they made a sad day so much fun. The first worker we ran into after going through the gate had the name ADAM so I knew I was in the right place that day. Thanks Erin and Jen!

One of Adam’s best friends got married this year. It was the first of his friends to invite us. While we were happy for the couple we were missing Adam a lot. We were filled with anxiety because we knew some of his friends would be there. We hadn’t seen some of them since he left. It was great to catch up on their lives and have some fun. It was one of those bittersweet times we were awfully glad we didn’t miss.

This Christmas was filled with firsts. Christmas is usually a high anxiety filled time for those of us missing Loved Ones. This was the first time since our daughter was born that she would not be home for Christmas. We decided we would try something different and stayed home on Christmas Eve and went snowshoeing and to the movies on Christmas Day. We had always spent those two days with family but felt very lonely this year. Our daughter would not be home, our dog had passed away in September and Adam was not here. When someone in the family is missing, changes are inevitable.

My two college friends came for a “Girls Weekend”. We hadn’t been together in 8 years. It was fun to spend time with them, catch up, laugh, talk politics, discuss family, and have some fun. Reconnecting with them was one of the highlights of the year. Thanks Dana and Jen!

I went to the Gliding Museum in Elmira and went for a ride in a glider plane. It was an awesome feeling gliding around like a bird.

I drove home from Vermont by myself for 6 hours. That was the first time I ever drove that far alone. I liked it!

An over zealous state trooper decided to ruin by perfect 30 year driving record by giving me a ticket. Going to a small town court was a first I hope doesn’t ever turn into a second!

Thanksgiving in California turned out to have 2 firsts. I was in an outdoor swimming pool at the end of November doing water aerobics. That doesn’t happen in NY. I also went ice-skating outside in 60 degree plus weather in a t-shirt. Nothing but fun!

The passing of our dog, Scooby was the saddest moment of 2008. It was the first time I ever experienced putting a dog down. We are convinced he is with Adam now.

This year I have had more firsts then ever before. Some had a greater impact than others but they all taught me something about myself. When our Loved Ones are no longer here it is so hard for us to be optimistic about the future. We are so unsure of how things will turn out. We are always wishing things were different. Whenever I have a “first” I think how it would be if Adam were here experiencing it with me. By experiencing some “firsts” in my life without a Loved One, I am enjoying and embracing life in a new way. It may not be easy, but it is possible!

Peace for the coming year,

P.S. Those Having Angel Days in January are:

Jan 9 Tacy Royce
Jan 14 Helen Pachura
Jan 18 Kathleen Winsor
Jan 21 Erin Dwyer

Those Having Angel Birthdays in January are:
Jan 9 Sherri Dean
Jan 15 Richard G. Furstoss, Sr.
Jan 18 Helen Pachura
Jan 20 Greg Harrison
Jan 29 Mary Frances Grzybek

Those To Be Celebrated in January are:
Jan 1 Sharon Kelsey
Jan 12 Erin Grzybek
Jan 23 Stacey Pachura
Jan 24 Nicole Hahn
Jan 25 Lee Kelsey

If you would like to have someone’s name added to our calendar lists, drop me a note at barb@beautifulmourning.com with the name, date and list you wish to have them added to.If you no longer wish to receive this monthly update contact me at barb@beautifulmourning.com and you will be promptly removed.